


JUST HATE ME!

by HiraiMimoring



Category: BLACKPINK (Band), Red Velvet (K-pop Band), TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, My First Fanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:54:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26085268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiraiMimoring/pseuds/HiraiMimoring
Summary: No spoilers.
Relationships: Hirai Momo/ Park Chaeyoung | Rosé, Hirai Momo/Park Sooyoung | Joy
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7





	1. She reminds me of

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fan-fiction.   
> I just chose my biases from the Big three Girl Group as the characters.  
> Maybe, there are many typos and grammatical errors here.  
> Thank you for those who will appreciate this fan-fiction.

“Have you ever felt this way before?”  
“felt what?”  
“Looking at someone and you just hated everything about her.”  
“hmn… No, not yet.”  
“That’s what actually I felt before I fell inlove with you.  
“you hated me?”  
“yes, I hate you.”  
“then, I hate you too.”

***

“Aren’t you going to get ready?” she said while looking at me from the mirror while I’m on bed. She was applying her make-up to herself. “How long are you going to stare at me like that? Get up and get ready, you have your own busy schedule, you know?” She added.

I sigh as I get up. I walk towards her and sit on her lap making her wrap her arms around me.  
“stop being this clingy to me now, go away!”  
“can’t we just stay like this forever? Don’t go please…” I said making it cute as possible.  
“no! today I’m going to LA and my manager are on their way here so go and get yourself ready while I’m making you breakfast. Go, go!” she said pushing me away.  
“okay.” I simply said as she goes out the room.  
I took a shower and now thinking of what should I wear. I’m on her apartment and I don’t really have any clothes here so I’m going to wear her clothes, we usually share clothes especially when we finally have time to each and sleep from each other’s apartment.  
I go out the room after I get dressed and see her on the dining, sited, busy looking at her phone. I saw a simple pancake with hot chocolate on the table. She’s actually not good at things like this but she always tries for me which I found so cute about her.  
I made my way and sits in front of her which gets her attention finally looking at me.  
“alright, what is this all about?” she said showing her phone with a text message from nayeon unnie asking if I was with her.  
“A text messages? What about it?” I confusedly asked.  
“Well from what I know you promised me that we’re going to keep our relationship secret. So, why the hell Nayeon unnie would think you’re with me in the middle of the night? It’s a text message from last night. She said you’re not answering her messages so she texted me instead.”  
Oh, crap! I forgot about that. I will kill you Nayeon unnie.  
“Okay sorry, it’s my fault. No! it’s an accident.” I panicked.  
“Accident?”  
“well this is what actually happened.” I started.  
“You know I don’t like having password on my phone because I tend to forget it easily and I just happened to forget my phone on the practice room so Nayeon Unnie gets it for me. And then, you just happened to message me while my phone is with her saying ‘Babe, lets meet this weekend. I’m going to L.A and I’m going to miss you’ with a cute picture of you looking sad. So, it’s just an accident, please forgive me babe, they promise me already not to tell anyone.” I hurriedly explained making an apologetic look.  
“They? what do you mean THEY?” she questioned me. Nice, I just made a mistake again.  
“Ahm… so the first thing that Nayeon unnie did as soon as she read your message was to screenshotted it and send on our group chat saying I just got a girlfriend and I’m keeping it a secret from them. Then that’s it, I have no choice but to tell every detail about us. Sorry, hehe. They like you by the way” I nervously smiled at her.  
She sighs. “You should be thankful I have no time to fight with you.” she said with an angry look and I just smiled at her again.  
“You know you should tell YGE to stop making schedules like this again. You’re going to LA for two days just for a fucking fashion show then flight back here again to prepare for your groups U.S debut then you’re probably going to U.S few weeks later. You can’t even have a long vacation because of these unnecessary schedules.” I said changing the topic and she just laughs at me.  
“you know that I have no power to say that besides, it’s not like I’m the only one who’s busy here. You’ll get busier than me because you guys now are on preparing for the tour concert as well as getting ready on your full album comeback, so eat, stop making complaints and I should go now. My manager said they are almost here.” she said as she gets up, get her things and her luggage.  
“already? Aren’t you going to at least join me eat before you go?” I pouted.  
“sorry babe, I can’t.” she said with an apologetic look. “Ohh... he’s calling me now, bye babe. I’ll call once I get there, okay?” She said running on her way out.  
“OKAY! TAKE CARE! I LOVE YOU!” I shouted as I heard the door closed.  
Sigh. I was about to eat when I heard the door opened again, I looked and saw her running towards me.  
“why? Did you forget something?” she stops on my side and smile. “yeah, I forgot something” she then suddenly sits on my lap and put both of her hands on my neck while looking at my eyes and then my lips, which made me grins at her.  
“right, how could you forget such an important thing like this.” I said as we lean towards each other. The kiss lasted just a second but every kiss from her is the best. We smiled at each other and she gave me one last peck on my lips before she gets off from me. 

“I’m going for real now babe, I love you Momo.”  
“I love you too Rose, take care.”

***

It’s been three weeks since Rose and I saw each other. We are both busy, her preparing for their U.S debut and us for the tour, comeback and award show performances.  
“Girls, I have some news for you.” Our manager said. “So, for this upcoming SBS Gayo Daejeon Festival it was decided by the management that Red Velvet and Twice is going to have a collab stage”  
“Really? The fans will love it for sure.” Nayeon unnie exclaimed.  
“But only three of you can join.” He added making nayeon unnie sad by the news.  
“Who is it then?” Jihyo, our leader asked.  
“It’s Chaeyoung, Tzuyu and…” he stopped looking at Nayeon Unnie’s direction. He’s teasing her. 

“Momo.”

That made me look up. Me? why me? it’s not like I don’t like the idea it’s just I’m with the two maknaes and I don’t think I can look after them. I looked at Sana and Nayeon unnie and they look worried about me, they know I’m not a social person and I tend to isolate myself when I’m not with them. But again, I have no excuse to say no so I just nodded to our manager.  
“okay, that’s it. Tomorrow I’m going to fetch the three of you. You’re going to start your dance practice and recording at SMe building. The song you’re going to perform is Dream Come True from S.E.S so start learning it okay?” he said.  
“Okay.” The three of us said. This is not good. I have a feeling that I’m going to mess up tomorrow. Oh God, help me.

***

This day was okay so far, not as I expected. We’re going to have collab with Irene unnie, Seulgi unnie and Joy. The people here are kind and we have finished recording the song faster than I expected. We are now on a dance practice room and the choreographers are still busy finalizing the dance. I sat down on the corner and texted Rose updating her. 

I actually have a feeling that someone have been staring me the whole time so I don’t really want to looked up. I started playing games on my phone so I can ignore it but someone suddenly sited beside me. Of course, I ignored it as usual and continued playing my game.

“Nayeon Unnie is right.” She suddenly said that made me confusedly look at her.  
“She said, there’s no way you’re going to talk to any of us.” She stated with a smile not looking at me. “So, she also said that I should talk to you first and that I should take care of you. She was really worried about you.” She said finally looking at me.

“Sorry.” I looked down “You don’t need to take care of me. I can handle myself so you don’t need to feel obligated just because Nayeon Unnie said it.” I said.  
“Why are you sorry? And no, I want to take care of you. Not because Nayeon Unnie ordered me but because I wanted to. I actually really, really wanted to be your friend.” That just made me more nervous, I never made any friends with other idols before. “Can I?” she added. I looked at her and she looks like she was looking forward to my answer so how could I say no to this? She just reminds me of Rose the first time she talks to me, that just made me laugh so she looks at me confused.  
I nodded. “okay, let’s be friends.” She widely smiled at me and then suddenly changed to a serious face that made me nervous again.  
“Great! Now, can I say that I’m really upset by you just now?”  
“What? Why?” did I unknowingly do something bad to her? I swear, I was just being alone the whole time so I don’t think I did something to her.  
“Well I actually offered you a food earlier at the recording but you just ignored me, then after you finished recording, I gave you a water for you to drink but ignored me for the second time. I’ve been staring at you the whole time but you never looked at me so I decided to sit beside you just now and I know you sense me but you ignored me for the third time.” She furiously said. “I’ve been putting a lot of effort earlier didn’t I deserve a payback from all of that?” then she pouted. I was nervous earlier but now she looks cute with her chubby cheeks of her. I smiled at her.  
“Okay” I raised both my hand looking like I surrendered to her “what can I do to pay you back from all the efforts you’ve made?” I asked her and she smirked at me.  
“Buy me dinner tonight.” I laughed  
“That’s it? Just dinner. I thought you’re going to make me do aegyo like on what others always make me do.”  
“oh… that’s also a good idea. Why didn’t it come to my mind?” she said suddenly thinking.  
“Okay, I like it. Let’s have a dinner tonight” I said. She can’t change her mind now. I don’t want to do aegyo here, there’s so many people that I don’t know here.  
“Okay.” She excitedly said. “Now give me your phone.” She ordered me looking at my phone.  
“Why?’ I asked.  
“I will save my number so I can call or text you later. Since you’re buying me a dinner, I should be the one who will choose the place.” I gave her my phone and she called her own number.  
“Okay, everything is set.” I looked at my phone and laugh after I saw the name that she set on her number ‘YOUR JOY’. “Now let’s go, seems like the choreographer is ready.” She added.

***

I’m in front of our own building right now waiting for my manager. After the practice of the collab stage we needed to go back here for our own stage practice. I was tired already but I still need to buy Joy a dinner. I should’ve said that I will buy her some other time. Sigh.  
“Unnie, where are you going? Are you going back to your apartment? You look tired. You should sleep again at the dorm tonight. Your apartment is so far.” Tzuyu said.  
“No, I just made a promise that I will buy someone a dinner so I’m going there and yes, as long as we have this busy schedule I’m going to stay at our dorm.” I explained.  
Every day off I usually like spending my time alone or with Rose so I decided to buy an apartment even though we have our dorm already. Only few people know it.  
“Whose someone? Rose Unnie?” she asked again,  
“No, she’s busy preparing for their debut right now so we can’t meet yet. I’m going with Joy.”  
“Really? You’re going with Joy?” Nayeon Unnie suddenly appeared. I just nodded to her.  
“Woah, Momo is finally having a friend?” She’s teasing me.  
“oh, manager oppa is here, bye bye.” I said and run towards the car making my escape. I’m sure she’s not going to stop teasing me if I stayed there.  
“Oppa drive me here.” I said making her read the location that Joy texted me.

***

Wow, I can’t believe Joy really chose a popular restaurant. There are so many people here, there are even line outside. Never thought she’s going to take me on a crowded place like this especially we’re both idols. People will probably recognize us. I sigh of the thought that people will going to keep checking on us while eating.  
“Aren’t you going to get off? You want me to escort you?” my manager said.  
“No, I’m going now. I will just text you after our dinner. You should eat your dinner too oppa, thank you.” I said while getting off.  
As I got off, I look at the surroundings, luckily no one recognizes me. I was wearing my mask so no one notice me yet. I made my way inside the restaurant. I was about to ask on the counter on where’s Joy is when I noticed the people that gathered outside the restaurant. I looked at it and saw that the girl they were looking was also the I was looking for. Joy, sitting on the corner, smiling and waving to them.  
I walked towards her and she smiled at me as she notices me.  
“you’re finally here. Sorry, this restaurant was actually pretty popular and I made the reservation late so I didn’t get the VIP room. Sorry, I know how much you hate crowd.” She explained.  
I removed my mask and looked outside where the fans are gathered and smiled. I slightly laugh at their shocked reaction. They must be didn’t expect us together. I waved to them and they took a picture of me as well as Joy.  
“It’s okay, I understand” I said looking at her.  
“I was actually planning to reserve on other restaurant but I know you love meat and this is actually my favorite place because their steak here is the best. I really want you to try it, I ordered already by the way.” She said excitedly. Her eyes actually look likes there’s a glitter on it. Its glowing. Why am I even observing her?  
“Really? Now I’m excited to try it. Oh, seems like the food is here.” I said looking at the waiter coming to us.  
They placed the food and now I’m ready to eat. The food does looks delicious.  
“let’s take a picture first, can I take a picture of you?” she asked.  
“Of course, I’m going to take a picture of you too.” I answered.  
We took many pictures for a minute and even made the waiter took picture of us together.  
“thank you. Can I upload this on IG?” She asked.  
“of course, you can.”  
“Great, I’m going to post it later with a caption ‘today is our first day.’ Hope you don’t mind?”  
“what do you mean by that? Today is our first day?” I confusedly asked her.  
“Pabo, first day as a friend of course. Come on let’s eat, their food here is really great.” She said  
I just smiled at her and eat. 

***  
The dinner was great, the food was great and Joy as a company was also great. She has many questions and she’s really funny and cute. I also noticed that her laugh is beautiful too, I just unknowingly stared at her every time she talks and laughs. I can say that Joy as my first idol friend was really a good decision.  
I just arrived at our dorm. It’s pretty late now so the members are probably sleeping. I just lazily lay down at the couch, I’m really tired right now. I don’t think I can walk to my room now. I sigh.  
I felt like I was about to fell asleep when I heard someone goes out from the room. I hardly look to know who it was. It was so dark so I can’t actually recognize her. I heard a deep sigh from her.  
“You’re here? You are pretty late. How was your date with Joy?” it was Nayeon Unnie.  
I closed my eyes again and answered her.  
“It’s not a date, it’s just a dinner. And the dinner was okay, the food was okay.” I lazily said.  
“How about Joy? What do you think about her?” she asked again.  
“she’s…” I stopped and smile, “good.” I added.  
“Good? Just good? What do you mean by that?” she asked again. I get up and looked at her with a questioned look.  
“Why do you have so many questions? She’s just good, she’s enjoyable to be with and she’s really different from what I expected. She actually looked like she’s going to eat me every time I saw her but now, I can say she’s actually a sweet person. Happy? Now I’m going to my room to sleep.” I get up and made my way on my room. I was about to open the door when she talked again.  
“Does Rose know?” I looked at her. “I’m just worried that she might get jealous. I saw the pictures that Joy posted earlier and you two looks so close.”  
“Not yet, we didn’t have time to talked since we’re both busy and thank you for worrying but Rose won’t get jealous by this, it’s just a dinner. In fact, she’s the one who keeps encouraging me to make friends and not to get shy.” I said with a secured smile.  
“okay then, but don’t forget to talk to her at least before you sleep.” She said while going to her room.  
I nodded. “Yes of course, thank you Unnie.” And she enters her room.  
I also enter my room and saw jeongyeon sleeping already. 

I was ready to sleep now but I remembered I still need to talk to Rose. Hope she’s not sleeping yet. I get my phone and was about to call her but I received a call instead. I smiled and answered her call.  
‘Hi babe.’ she said.  
“hey, I was about to call you too. But you got to call me first” I whispered not wanting to wake up jeongyeon. “Wait babe, I’m going to the living room first.” I said as I immediately go to the living room.  
‘okay babe’ she said.

“it’s okay now babe. How are you? Is the filming tiring? You didn’t even text me means you were busier than me.” I asked.  
‘Yeah, the M/V filming was really tiring. So much changes happened and the production made so many mistakes so the filming got delayed many times.’ I heard her sigh from the phone.  
“really? I feel bad for you. I hope I was there so I can take care of you” I said. I am really worried about her, she sounded tired but I can’t do anything.  
‘How about you babe? I saw the photos from the fans and Joy’s post earlier, hmn…’ she stopped for a second. ‘you two looks so good together.’ she added,  
This just made me uneasy. Is she actually jealous like what Nayeon Unnie said?  
“ah yes, I’m sorry I forgot to tell you about the dinner. She actually approaches me and talk to me then we just ended up of me, promising her to buy a dinner.” I explained.  
‘No, what are you sorry for? It’s actually good that you’re going out with others. It’s good to see you finally making friends. I’m so happy for you babe.’ she just sounded sincere as ever.  
“thank goodness. To tell you the truth, I was really worried earlier. Nayeon Unnie said that you might get jealous because I’m meeting another girl outside and hearing you saying that made me realize how lucky I am to have you. Thank you, babe, for always supporting me.” I heard her chuckled.  
‘I won’t get jealous by that and you know that. You rarely talk to others unless it’s your members, staff or fans, how do I get jealous by that?’ she laughs.  
“Yeah, and I’m the one who usually get jealous because you’re so friendly. You even have international singer friends who always leaves a comment on your IG in English which I don’t even understand a thing.” I jokingly annoyingly said.  
‘And now you’re the one who’s actually jealous. Don’t be jealous, they are just a friend and you are my girlfriend. But seriously babe, I’m happy for you. You’re finally growing up. I remember the first time I talked to you. It was so hard for me to talk to you because you were actually avoiding me.’ she laughs again remembering the memories of our first meeting.  
“Yeah, and it was because I was intimidated to you. I thought you were staring at me because you hate me” I depended myself.  
‘well, the difference is that I was actually looking at you because I like you and you were the one who hated my whole existence that time.’ She answered.  
“Okay, okay. Enough. I don’t want to remember that.”  
‘Why? It’s a fun memory though’ she teasingly said.  
“yeah it’s fun. But now, I hated the fact that I hated you before so let’s move on and sleep. I can hear you yawning just now. It’s late, you need energy for tomorrow. Let’s sleep now babe, I miss you so much.”  
‘okay babe, I miss you too so, so much. Good night babe.’  
“goodnight.”


	2. Realization

“oh, Joy is here.” Nayeon Unnie shouted making me turn around. I smiled and waved to her. The other members talked to her first. As soon as my members bid for their goodbye because they are already done preparing for the recording, Joy turn around to me.  
“They said they are going to eat, we’re almost up to pre-record our stage and you’re still not ready?” she said to me.

Today is the SBS Gayo Daejeon Festival where we will perform the collab stage.  
There’s only the two of us now in the room. I usually gets uncomfortable when I was left alone with others but with Joy, I don’t feel that way. 

“Yeah I know, they didn’t even invite me.” I sighed “And I’m sorry that you got to see me barefaced but the make-up artist suddenly goes to somewhere so, I’m still waiting for her. Why did you actually come here by the way?”  
“I’m just checking my friend since she’s not responding to my text.” She said.  
“Really? I already said to you not to text me and call me instead. Texting is something I’m not good of, I’m even getting nayeon unnie’s help to teach me how to text.” I explained to her.  
“okay, okay. Now that I see you’re alive, I’ll get going now.” she said walking away from me but she suddenly stopped and looked at me again. “I don’t actually want to say this because you might get ahead of yourself but I’m going to say it anyway” she said making me raised my eyebrow.

“You look beautiful even without make-up” and then she leaves, running, leaving me shocked and confused by her comment. I unknowingly smiled like an idiot.  
Well that’s the best compliment I just got today.

***

I checked my phone to see if Rose leave a message to me but yeah, I didn’t get any. I sigh of the thought that she’s going to U.S to promote their single tomorrow and we still didn’t get to see each other for months now.

I was still thinking about her when suddenly I heard the door opened and I got startled by it. It must be the make-up artist. I sited properly so she can apply make-up on me but not looking at her. Right now, the girls are still not back and we’re the only one on the room, I got shy easily so I just opened my phone to play games. She sited beside me and starts putting make-up on me.

“You’re not even looking at me so how am I going to greet you properly, babe?” she said.

I looked up at saw from the mirror a girl wearing a hoodie, cap and mask. She’s still putting make-up on me. I already know who she was but I can’t even talk because I was really shocked by her sudden appearance.  
“You just made me become your make-up artist.” She giggled.

I was just looking at her, silently.

“Really? You’re just going to stare at me? How about a simple hi?” she said finally looking at me.

We stare at each other for a minute, I can’t take this anymore.  
I held her hand that was on my face making her stand up and sit on the table. She immediately takes off her mask and hugged me. I hugged her back.  
“How about a kiss instead of hi?” I whispered to her ear. 

She immediately looked at me with a smirk on her face and pushed me, making sit on the chair. She sits on my lap and lean her face to my face. She was so close to me. I want to kiss her already.  
She bit her lip while she was looking at my lips.

“How about yes?” she said. By that, she crashed her lips to my lips.  
I kissed her back, hungrily. We didn’t saw each other for months so I really want her to feel how much I missed her. The kiss lasted until we both need an oxygen. We looked at each other’s eyes.

“I miss you so much” I said and hugged her tight. She chuckled.  
“I miss you too, babe.” She said hugging me back and then she looked at me again. I heard her phone vibrated. She looks at it then back her attention to me.  
“As much as I want to stay here and watch all of your performances. I’m sorry babe, I need to go now. I just run away from my bodyguards and managers and I can say that they were looking for me now. I just really want to see you before I leave for tomorrow. You know, we might get to stay there for so long.” She looks really worried to me as she says that but I shook my head.  
“No babe, it’s okay. We’ve already talked about this, work always comes first. This?” I pecked her lips “It’s already enough for me.” I smiled “Thank you babe, for the effort of seeing me today.” She was about to say something when we heard a knock from the door.  
She gets off from me and fix herself wearing her facemask.

“It must be your real make-up artist. I really need to go now.” she walks toward the door and I just looked at her walking away from me, “Oh, before I leave Jennie unnie said to me to say this to you.”  
“Jennie Unnie? You already said to them about us?” I asked.  
“Yup! She said that even though she likes you for me, you should still meet them in person to get their approval. Also, that she heard from Nayeon Unnie that you’re a good chef so you should cook for us some other time.”  
I shook my head. “I’m ready anytime, just clear up your schedules.” I shrugged off.  
“okay, bye now babe. Goodluck on your performance later, I promise to watch it. I love you” she said while giving me a flying kiss.  
“I love you too” I made a heart for her.  
She opened the door and bow immediately to the make-up artist who was waiting outside. The make-up artist looked at her weirdly and then looked at me.  
“She’s a friend. I’m sorry for making you wait. We’ve just talked about something important and personal” I explained to her.

***

Months has passed, Blackpink’s U.S debut was successful. They are going back and forth to different countries and many international celebrities was looking after them. Our full album comeback was successful. Both of our career is getting bigger and bigger but our relationship? It’s getting harder, for the both of us. We rarely seen and even talk over the phone each other. When she has time, I don’t. When I have time, she’s busy.  
But it’s okay. I know we can overcome this.

Today is a special day for the both of us. We’ve planned everything that we want to do on this day. Like she wants to do mountain climbing, have picnic, eat the food we both made, ride bicycle on the night on han river and many more, our plan was perfect. But the problem is,  
she’s not here.  
She’s on Japan right now, eventually their two days Hi-touch event got scheduled now and tomorrow out of all day.

‘Happy Anniversary babe. I’m sorry I’m not there.’ She said over the phone.  
“Happy Anniversary too, babe. It’s okay, we can celebrate our anniversary next year, and the other year and another year. It’s not like this would be the last anniversary that we’re going to celebrate” I said uplifting the mood. I heard her chuckled.  
‘But still, today is our first anniversary. We planned this day. I hate this stupid schedules. I wish a could ditch this and come to you now.’ she said.  
“You know you can’t, work comes first, remember?”  
‘Rose, let’s go.’ It’s Jennie Unnie.  
‘Babe, you heard it? I need to go. Bye bye, I love you. I’ll call you later’ and she dropped the call.  
I sigh, she didn’t even let me say I love you back.

“Who’s that? Your boyfriend.” That made me turn around and look at her.  
“No, just someone. I don’t have a boyfriend.”  
“Really? But you look sad? Something happened?” she asked.  
“No, I just-” I stop, thinking if I can share this her. She’s a friend of mine now maybe I could “miss someone.”  
“Your boyfriend?” she asked again making me laugh.  
Should I? 

“No, my GirlFriend.” I looked at her reaction. I was expecting her to be shock or something but I can’t read this face of her right now.  
“oh… sajshdhwejkls” she mumbled something that I didn’t understand.  
“what did you say?” I asked her.  
“ahm… I said, it’s good. You have someone who takes care of you.” She said.  
I was still looking at her face. She’s not looking at my eyes so I think she’s uncomfortable of what she learned about me.  
“I think I should go now.” I made my way and passed by her but she stops me, she was holding on to my shirt.  
“Already? You just got here.” She said. She’s looking into my eyes now, I smiled.  
“I thought you were uncomfortable of me being gay so I thought I should go.”  
“NO! She immediately replies. I got shock because her voice just raised.

“I was actually happy, but sad at the same time.” That answer just made me confused.  
“I mean no, ah yes, No! Like I’m not uncomfortable at all of you being gay and sad because-” she stops again, thinking? “nothing, just don’t go yet” she added.  
“Okay, I understand. Sorry by the way, I entered your room without your permission. I got a call and your busy making coffee so…”  
“it’s okay, let’s go to the kitchen. Let’s eat snacks” we go the kitchen and sited.

“Didn’t know you were living alone, I thought you live with your members.” I said.  
“I just recently decided to live alone, I just want to be independent and actually, so I can finally invite friends too. I don’t think I can invite friends at our dorm, especially you.” She said pointing on me.  
“why? They don’t like visitors? They don’t like me?”  
“No, they like you. Especially Yeri, so there’s no way I’m going to invite you on our dorm.”  
“eh…? It would be fun though, Yeri unnie made me cookies and kimbap the last time because she wants to taste the food I make.”  
“That’s why I don’t like it. You should cook for me first.” She said sulking. She’s being cute right now.  
“You know I could cook for you now, but I saw your ref, there’s nothing in there.”  
“Hehe, I always order food anyway. My ref is just a display here.” I chuckled at her answer.  
“Let’s go.” I said as I get up from the sit. She looks at me, confused.  
“where?”  
“To the market, let’s buy something I can cook for you. Let’s fill up your ref too. You can’t eat delivery food forever you know?” I said offering my hand to her. She gladly takes it and we get both of our things.

***

After a long day with Joy, now here I am, slightly drunk alone in my apartment. Joy does make my day better but, in the end, I still can’t avoid to think of how would this day could be the happiest day of my life if Rose was here.  
It didn’t help that Rose didn’t even texted me the whole day. She said she will call me after the event but it’s already almost 10 o’clock in the evening. I’m thinking that she could have already asleep. I know I should not get mad at her because I know how tiring Hi-touch event is. We’ve already done that many times and as someone who gets the most fans in line, I should know it. Meeting and hi-touching many fans are really tiring. 

I rarely drink alcohol but I just felt like I needed this now.  
Suddenly I heard my phone ringing. I immediately get it and look if it was Rose. A smile on my face plastered. I answered it.

“Hi babe, I’ve been waiting for your call.” I said.  
‘I’m sorry I forgot to call you.’ She said making me upset.  
“How could you have forgot me? Your girlfriend? Your so mean.” I said making a crying sound.  
‘Where are you? Are you drunk? You sound different. You’re not with Joy anymore, right?’ she asked, slightly annoyed?

“Joy? Hehe. Yes, I was with her earlier. She invited me in her apartment.” I said.  
‘And you didn’t even inform me. I wouldn’t know it if I didn’t saw the photos that the fans took earlier. You’re at the market with her, holding her hands. Tell me, you’re not cheating on me, right?’ suddenly, the alcohol seems to get me as I heard her.

“Cheating? Me cheating on you? Haha. Maybe, if it was Joy. She always makes time for me, she companies me when it should be you, she made me laugh instead of you. She ate the food I cooked that I could’ve cooked for you. If that was cheating, then yes! I was cheating on you.” I was crying already, yet I didn’t hear anything from her.

“I miss you! I miss you so fucking much but I can’t do anything. Do you know how much I want to go there? I really, really want to go there but I don’t want to burden you. Because if I go there, I might end up kidnapping you. I love you so much and I understand our fucking situation but can’t I be selfish just for now? I want you just this once. I miss you, please come back here. Please be mine just for today. It’s our anniversary babe. Please. I need you now, Rose.” I said sobbing, begging her to come even though I know it’s impossible.  
I was crying, for so long. I stopped. I waited for her to say something. Silence.  
Suddenly the call got disconnected.

Leaving me hanging.  
I know I said something wrong.  
I know Rose felt the same.  
How could I say all of that to her?  
This fucking alcohol. 

***

ROSE’S POV

I didn’t know.  
I thought everything was okay.  
I thought she’s okay.  
I thought we’re okay.

Hearing Momo cry, it’s a new for me. She never cries. We never got into real fight. She’s the most understanding person I’ve ever known. That’s why after I heard her feelings about us, her crying out loud.  
I couldn’t take it anymore.  
I just silently listened to all of what she’s saying until she stops.

***

I opened the room. The room was dark and I could smell alcohol through the entrance. I walked inside until I saw the girl, the reason why I flight back all the way from Japan, laying on the floor with the head on the sofa.  
I silently approach her and sited beside her. I softly touched her face. I can feel the tears from her cheeks.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry babe, I’m late. Happy anniversary.” I cried and hugged her.  
“What a beautiful dream.” I got startled. I looked at her. “you’re here” she added.  
“Yes, I’m here.” I replied to her.

“at least you’re here on my dream. This is already enough for me.” she said while touching my face making my tears flows even more.  
She weakly smiled to me.  
“can I kiss you? Please? Tomorrow when I wake up, you’re gone. I want to at least kiss you, even from my dream.”  
I nodded to her.  
She reached both of her hand to my face and slowly lean on me. We kiss, it was a soft kiss. A little bit salty because of the tears coming from the both of us. While kissing, I felt like she stops making me stop too and looked at her. She fell on my shoulder. She just fell asleep.

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”


	3. Last Stop.

‘WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU, PARK CHAEYOUNG!?’ she shouted from the phone.

“Jennie Unnie, sorry. I’m in Korea right now.” I said.

‘Are you fucking kidding me? We have event today and you’re there? Go back here, now! you can still make it.’

“Sorry Unnie, I can’t”

‘You can’t? why did you actually came back there?’

“Ahm… yeah there’s an emergency here so-” I tried to lie.

‘Emergency? Don’t fucking lie to me. If you are in Australia then I could’ve believed you. but you’re not, you don’t have any relatives there, Park Chaeyoung!’

Of course, she got me.

‘Tell me, it’s Momo right.” Yes, she got me.

“Okay, you already know. Yes, it’s Momo’ I admitted.

‘Good, now give the phone to Momo and I’ll talk to her.’

“NO!’ I immediate protests.

“It’s my fault Unnie, you don’t need to talk to her. You know me Unnie, I just can’t resist her. She is my everything. So, when I know she was drunk and heard her crying begging me to come to here, I couldn’t take it anymore. Yesterday was our anniversary unnie but I’m not with her, so please. Just this once, help me Unnie. Please cover me up for this. I’m begging you.” I said

“okay, I understand but please at least considers us too before doing wreck less things like this. You know that you’re in a group, right? Any wrong move can affect the whole group. It’s not just your dream that can be ruined.”

“I’m really sorry Unnie. I will not to this again, I swear. Just let this one slide. She needs me Unnie.”

Silence,

I heard a deep sigh coming from her.

‘okay, just this once. I will do anything to make the managers believe that you are awfully sick. So please, come back here as soon as possible. Also, don’t let anyone see that you’re there in Korea okay. Or else, you’re dead. We are so dead.’

“Really? Thank you Unnie, I owe you one.”

_‘Make sure this won’t happen again. Promise me!’_

“Yes, Promise unnie. I’ll make it up to you when I came back there.”

_‘of course, you need to pay me back. You sure are lucky that I love you.’_

“Aw… I love you too Unnie” I said and she hang up

Thanks God.

I walked out the room as soon the call ended and saw Momo on the living room using her phone.

She looks serious just now?

She looked at me.

“You okay?” she suddenly asked.

“Huh? Of course, I’m okay.”

“Really? Cause you looked, stressed out.” I did?

“Maybe because of jet lag. Right! I have something for you.” I run to the room to get it.

“here, a gift for you. Belated happy anniversary babe.” I said offering my gift.

She stared at it,

For so long.

She sure is different today.

She took it and smile to me.

“thank you, babe.” She said as she opens it.

“It’s a necklace I made in U.S. I even run away from my managers and bodyguards so I can go at the store that teaches to make necklaces. Look at the back, there’s our initial in there. M and R.” I happily said.

She was staring at it, suddenly a tear came out from her eyes.

“Ah… don’t cry babe. Are you that happy?” I asked and wiped her tears,

“Yes, I am this Happy. Thank you, babe. I won’t forget this day.” She said.

“How about me? where’s my gift?’ I asked.

I’m actually not expecting any gift from her because I know she didn’t expect that I will be here so I just asked her so I can tease her but suddenly she stand up and go to the room.

She came back with her laptop and flashdrive on her hand.

“So, I already know that you already have everything in life. It’s really hard to think of what I should give you” she stated while she’s setting up her laptop.

“then one day, the team said that they want me to write a song. So-” She looked at me.

“So?” I asked.

“So, while I was thinking about you. I ended up writing this song. This was already accepted for our next comeback and I want to sing it to you first, can I?” 

I immediately nodded repeatedly. She smiled to me then back her attention to her laptop.

I swear, Momo is the sweetest person ever.

“So? This is it.” she said.

She takes a deep breath and played the song.

_“I call your name every, every day_

_About thousand times,_

_About ten million times_

_Before reach your ears cut and rewind_

_Why can’t you be mine, yeah?”_

But I’m yours already.

_“Ooh, make me spin, it’s you_

_Just runnin', runnin', runnin' around you_

_Repeated daily midnight promise_

_I don’t know what to do_

_I love you, love you, hate, foolish_

_I love you_

_Make me feel so high_

_I love you, love you, hate, foolish_

_I hate you_

_Make me so bad_

_It's weird, the more I fall for you_

_I'm sorry I'll hate you_

_I don't know I can't explain_

_I'm trapped in a labyrinth of strange emotions”_

She was staring at me, deeply.

I laugh remembering those action I did for her before.

The fact that she hates me so much but ended up being my girlfriend now.

_“I'm always dragged yes me_

_I want to give you permission, that's me_

_Do I know a lot?_

_Do I know you a lot?_

_I'd rather not say for myself_

_The more you do? the more you do more harmful it is toxic love_

_You I get sad when you're happy_

_It’s so ironic-ronic-ronic_

_Yeah, it’s true, the sweet ones were dangerous_

_I know, I was a fool”_

A pabo that I love more than anything.

My pabo.

My tears just won’t stop. I was trying not to cry but I lost.

_It's weird, the more I fall for you_

_I'm sorry I'll hate you_

_I don't know I can't explain_

_I'm trapped in a labyrinth of strange emotions_

_With my eyes closed_

_I just by doing imagine you I'm excited_

_My foolish heart_

_Ooh yeah!_

_I love you, love you, hate, foolish_

_It's weird, the more I fall for you_

_I'm sorry I'll hate you_

_I don't know I can't explain_

_I'm trapped in a labyrinth of strange emotions_

_I love you, love you, hate, foolish_

_I love you_

_I love you_

_I love you, love you, hate, foolish_

_I hate you”_

I love that you hated me.

She finished the song but she turns around to me.

I know she was crying. Is this supposed to be this emotional?

I back hugged her.

“Thank you, that was so good. Didn’t know my girlfriend was this good. You should write more songs for me in the future.” I said trying to lift up the mood.

She wiped her tears with her both hand without looking at me. She’s so cute. She’s like a kid.

She turns to me and looked at my eyes.

“You really like it?” I nodded, “Then let’s go out for a date.” she said out of nowhere.

“Well, I would love too but I can’t be seen here. You know? I’m just a runaway girl.” She laughed.

“that’s easy babe. You just need a mask, glasses and hoodie. Besides, we won’t go to crowded places. Please?” she was doing her aegyo sound again.

“Okay, okay. I lost. How can I say no to my girlfriend? Still can’t remember I said no to you.” I sigh and she just smiled to me proudly.

She really knows it.

***

“So, where’s our first stop?” I asked.

We are now on her car making me feel already excited. The truth is, we never go out for a date.

We usually spend time together on my apartment or her apartment watching movies, play games or just cuddling each other. We’re both idols anyway.

“let’s eat lunch first. I discover a good place last week and their food is really good. And then let’s go to the farm, let’s try picking up fruits and eat, Chaeyoung tried it before and I want us to try it too. I also heard we can try fishing there, let’s make a bet on who can get more fish. I heard it was a private place so you don’t need to be worried. Then at night, let’s watch movie. You know that drive-in theater? I never experience it so let’s try. What do you think babe? Or there’s other places you want to go? Just say it, we can go wherever you want babe.” She excitedly said.

I shook my head.

“All of what you said just now, I love it already.”

How can I say no to all of that when you look so excited? I can just watch you all day talking on what you want to do and I’m already satisfied with that.

You look so beautiful even without doing anything.

***

Today was the best. We did all the things she wants to do, we go to all of the places she wants to go, so much happened but I don’t feel tired at all.

I can do this every day. I just need to be with her.

“this is our last stop.” She lowered and let go the spoon.

I suddenly got a bad feeling.

Maybe because of the thought that I need to go back to Japan tomorrow and we’ll get busy again. Or maybe because I don’t want to end this day yet.

We are now in restaurants private room and she was done eating already.

She was looking at me directly. She looks serious making me nervous.

“I think it’s time.” She added making me more confused

“Rose.” she never calls me by my name first except I called her by her name.

She suddenly changes her expression into the sweet one. I really can’t read her at all.

“Do you remember the first thing you said to me?” she smiled and I nodded.

FLASHBACK

**There’s this girl that I’ve been eyeing from the first time I saw her in person. This was actually the third time? Or maybe fourth time that I saw her but it seems like she didn’t even know I exist. Well, I know I’m just a rookie and they just got crowned as the National Girlgroup but our debut is considered to be successful, right? It’s impossible for her not to know me or our group BlackPink. Impossible.**

**We are now on the backstage together with TWICE ready for the award show that will start in a minute.**

**Jennie unnie and Jisoo unnie are close with Nayeon unnie that’s they are talking to each other now. Lisa? Busy talking with Mina and Tzuyu.**

**I joined their conversation.**

**“Unnie, is Momo Sunbae really that quiet? I’ve notice that she was just holding her phone the whole time.” I asked Nayeon unnie and she looked at Momo’s direction.**

**“Ah… Momo? Well technically yes. She’s not a social person but with us? She’s actually talkative and fun to be with. She just need time to be comfortable.” She explained.**

**“So, if I go to her and talk to her now? Will she talk back to me?”**

**“Eh… maybe? Wait let me think of it.” She answered and act like she was thinking.**

**“Wait. Why does it seem like you’re interested to my Momoring?” she suddenly asked raising her eyebrow making me panicked.**

**“Yeah right?” Jennie unnie joined.**

**“I- I just want to be her friend. Is that not okay?” yeah friend, just for now hehe.**

**“If that’s the case, hmmn. I can give you 38% chance that she will talk to you.” What the?**

**“For real?” the three of us unitedly said.**

**“Why? That’s a pretty high chance for you. It depends on how you approach her. Wait, let me see.” She said and make her way to momo?**

**They talk for a while and they seem so serious. Then nayeon Unnie make her way back to us, shaking her head.**

**“I think you should forget it.” She said making me confuse again.**

**“I will give you now, 99.9 percent-” she got cut off.**

**“Woah, that’s high. Go to her now, Chaeyoung” Jisoo unnie said while pushing me away.**

**“I’m not done yet.” Nayeon unnie added making the three of us looked at her.**

**“99.9999999 percent that she will not even look at you.”**

**And that just made our jaw dropped.**

**Seriously?**

**She won’t even look at me?**

**I stared at her direction and just like before, she was just busy over her phone.**

*******

**The whole award show I just can’t keep my eyes off of Momo. Nayeon unnie didn’t want to say the reason and she just said that I should just give up on making her my friend.**

**But I won’t stop. Nothing can stop me. I’m actually more thrilled right now.**

**“Stop it, you’re making her more scared at you.” Jisoo unnie said covering my eyes.**

**“No, I won’t stop staring at her until she looked back at me.”**

**“The fans will notice you. I won’t be surprise if later an article will be published titled Rookie Idol BlackPink Rose got caught staring at the National Girlgroup member Twice Momo, drooling.” And they all laugh to me making me sulking.**

**“But seriously, if you really want to be her friend. Just go and talk to her. Don’t mind what Nayeon Unnie said. She’s just messing with you.” Jennie Unnie adviced me.**

**She’s right. If she won’t look at me. Then I’m just going to force her to look at me.**

Momo’s POV

**The award show just got done and I got separated from my members on stage while we were waving goodbye to the fans.**

**Unluckily, while walking on the hallway going back to our dressing room, I saw the one I hated the most. I literally got shocked when Nayeon Unnie asked me what I think to this girl. But still, I just said what I think of her. We even argued about it.**

**She’s with her member outside their room, maybe waiting for their manager ready to go home.**

**I really don’t know why but I just hate her. The way she sings, the way she dances, the way she talks, the way she smiles or the way she looks at me. I just felt like she was looking down on me.**

**Like she was mocking me saying she’s better than me.**

**The whole award show, it was so hard for me not to notice her. She was staring at me, even though I didn’t actually look at her. I can see her from my peripheral vision.**

**Her staring at me makes me more boil in anger.**

**When they were performing, when she was singing those high notes looking at me. Smirking? How can I not hate someone like her? Did she really need to point out that she’s a good singer than me?**

**I was like girl, I’m not the main vocal. I’m the main dancer. I just rolled my eyes of the thought of it.**

**I’m almost near to them so I just look away from them.**

**While passing by, I can feel the stare coming from them but ignored it like always. I can hear them arguing to something but I can’t really understand.**

**I was just busy trying to avoid them until I almost got tripped off because someone from the back collided on me.**

**I looked at her, annoyed. Got more annoyed when I saw who she was and got a courage to smile regards the situation.**

**She was about to say something but she stops and bit her lips.**

**I don’t really want to waste my time over her so I just turn around and was about to leave when I got shocked when she slightly shouted on me. Making me back my attention to her.**

**“IM HAPPY!” she stops as I look at her and look away from me for a second and then look again directly to my eyes, blushing?**

**“I’m happy that you finally looked at me.” I raised my eyebrow.**

**“Even though not in proper way. I’m happy that the best dancer in K-pop industry, the one whom I’ve been looking for, the most beautiful girl in the world finally looked at me. It’s an honor for me that right now, she was still looking at me.” she looks away, “ROSE ANNE PARK, please at least remember my name sunbae.” she bows and then run away from me, from us while her members were laughing at her and then follows her.**

**Then there is me, leaving dumbfounded.**

END OF FLASHBACK

Rose’s POV

“You said you’re happy that I finally looked at you. I have no idea that after your confession that day I won’t stop thinking about you. I can’t even forget your name since that day. I search about you every day” She said not looking at me.

“that’s when I realize why hate you. That it was actually because I like you and since I was a coward, I can’t even do anything about it. I like it when you look at me but I hate it when I can’t look back at you. I like it when you perform, sing looking at me but I hate it because I can’t do the same at you. I like everything you do and I just hate that I’m just a fucking coward for you. You always seem so different from me, you’re too good for me.” she stated, still not looking at me.

Silence.

“You’re making me nervous, Momo. What’s gotten into you? You’re literally making a speech, babe.”

I’m trying to lift up the mood. I can feel the different atmosphere here and I don’t like it.

She looked down shaking her head.

“I actually heard you talking to Jennie Unnie on the phone. And you know what? I realize something. That you will do anything for me and I hate it. I hate you.” she said finally looking at me.

I don’t know what to say, I don’t know what to feel about this.

Momo was right, we’re different. She’s a person who thinks. A person who always considers other more than herself. She’s selfless unlike me who’s selfish. I’m selfish when it comes to her. I want her to be happy, I won’t even think and just come to her every time she needs me.

“So can you please just hate me? for real.” she said.

“What do you mean? I can’t understand you at all. Can we just please go back to your apartment? Let’s talk some other time”

I don’t want to talk about this now. It’s my fault, I should’ve not come here if I know this will happen.

“Let’s end this.” she said like she was sincere about this.

Why? Why does it seem like it’s so easy for her?

I looked at her, I can feel the tears coming from my eyes.

I don’t understand at all.

“NO! I’m sorry babe. It’s my mistake. I know we already talk about work always comes first but- but-” I can’t even finish my sentence. Come on Roseanne Park.

“No! it’s my fault. I should’ve not begged you to come here. I should’ve known that you will come if I said so. I don’t want to be a burden to you anymore. I don’t want this to happen again so I need to let go of us.”

She stands up and gathered her things,

My reflexes already know what to do. I stopped her from going and hugged her from the back.

You can’t go. I won’t let you go.

“This won’t happen again, I promise. So please, just this once. Forgive me. Please babe, I love you,” I hugged her more, tightly. But she tried to loosen my hug.

This hurts more than ever.

“I can’t. Because I know this will happen again. What if-” she stops as she was struggling from my hug.

“what if I got drunk again. What if you’re so far and I began to miss you again and beg you to come to me again. Knowing you, I know you will. Knowing myself, I know I will. But if we don’t have us, we don’t have this commitment, no one will suffer anymore. If you can’t let go of me because you love me? just think of you friends, your members who will suffer because of us. So please, let me go.” She loosens my hug again but this time, she won.

I was looking down. I don’t want to see her leave. I don’t want her to leave but-

“You’re a star. You belong to a group that represents us, girlgroups. You’re going to be RoseAnne Park that everyone was looking for. You don’t have to focus on me to look at you anymore,” both of her hand touches my face making me look at her, “Because I’ll always look at you, even you’re far from me.”

I cried.

How could you say that when you were breaking up with me? You want me to hate you but that just made me fall in love with you more.

In the end, I know I won’t be able to change your mind.

In the end, I still couldn’t say no to you.

“So, I guess this is what you meant when you said this was our last stop.” I forced myself to smile to her and reach her cheeks with my both hands just like her.

Maybe one last kiss won’t be a sin, right?

We were about to share our last kiss when suddenly someone entered the room making the both of us shock.

It’s Joy.

***

Joy’s POV

I didn’t know I excitedly came here just to witness the last thing I wanted to see. What made me more shock is that why Rose is here? I read an article earlier saying she was sick so she can’t attend the Hi-touch event on Japan. So, why the hell is she here?

The three of us just stare at each other, I can’t even move from my place.

“Joy I’m sorry for making you come here, I just think I can’t drive anymore because of the situation and I know your apartment was just near here so.” momo said.

That’s when I realize the situation. Momo is on the urge from crying while Rose was already crying.

I already know who Rose to Momo’s life.

“ah… yeah. It’s okay.” Well this is so awkward,

“Thank you.” she walks toward me but I saw Rose stops her by holding her on her hoodie.

Momo looked at her again.

“Don’t go anywhere, just wait here. I already texted Nayeon Unnie to come here and pick you up. She’s on the way so don’t do anything stupid, okay?” momo said pushing away Rose’s hand.

Rose looked down, just nodded and didn’t say anything. I can see the tears from her falling to the ground.

Without looking back. Without saying any goodbye, Momo hold me by my wrist and pulled me away out from the room. Leaving Rose alone.

We’ve reached her car and I could see that her knee just weakened so I immediately get the keys from her and opened her car from her. I made her sit at the shotgun seat while I sited on the drivers sit.

Hours has passed. The way from her apartment was sure longer than ever.

She didn’t say anything. She didn’t look at me.

She was just staring outside the window.

She was just quiet.

The truth is, we have already arrived at her apartment but since she seems to be in deep thought. I couldn’t say anything.

Suddenly I heard a sob coming from her. I looked at her.

The tears are coming off. The tears that she was trying to hide can’t hold it anymore. The tears that she has been trying to hold can’t stop anymore.

Without any sound. She was crying without any sound making me more realize that the pain she was experiencing was indeed deep.

She was struggling to breath now. She was even punching her chest. She was in despair.

Seeing Momo like this made me realize how deep the feelings they have for each other. But also made me realize how much I want to take care of her.

I reached her hand. I stop her from punching herself and hugged her, tight.

“it’s okay. Cry. You can cry out loud, I’m here. Don’t hold it, just let it go.” I whispered to her.

By that, she cried. Louder than ever.

She cried, and it feels like it won’t stop.

She cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for those who wasted their time on my stupid work. Hehe.  
> Godbless.


	4. Hate you!

THREE YEARS LATER

“You heard it?” Nayeon unnie suddenly asked.

“heard what?” chaeyoung answered her.

“Blackpink, they are going to have a collab single with Selena Gomez. Jennie also said Ariana Grande took a part of it.” she stated as she was staring at me.

“Woah… Really? I’m jealous, I want to have collab with other international artists too. Especially Justin Bieber.” Chaeyoung replied.

“Well, it’s not impossible chaeyoung-ssi. The team already planned our U.S debut this year, so maybe we can finally meet our idols too.” Jihyo unnie joined the conversation.

Well its true. We’ve already planned our U.S debut for so long but since the management thinks we’re not ready yet, it got delayed many times. We’ve got to study English first and right now, I can say that all of us are almost fluent on speaking English now.

I was just busy with my phone while listening to them talking when I felt someone approaches me and sit beside me looking at my phone. I immediately hide my phone and looked at her. Of course, it’s Nayeon Unnie. She loves to messed up with me.

“Why?” I innocently asked.

“I was just curious on what’s keeping you busy on your phone? Texting someone? Maybe that someone name is Joy, your Joy?” She’s at it again.

“And what it is to you? What’s wrong if I’m really texting her?” I said crossing my arms.

“Well, I just don’t want you to keep a secret from me. from us, TWICE. Tell me, you’re dating Joy, right? Come on, we won’t get mad. Just tell us the truth.” She asked.

Sigh,

“How many times do I have to tell you that no, I am not dating Joy. She’s just a friend.”

“Just a friend? Really huh? Then why the hell the two of you always meet each other almost every week even though we both have busy schedules?” she asked again.

Having a conversation with someone who won’t believe you is really tiring. Sigh.

“First of all, our apartment is just next to each other. Did you forget that I already move because my previous apartment was far? Second, what the hell is wrong with me meeting her and have time with her every week? Third, again we’re just FRIENDS! That’s all thank you.” I said and back my attention to the game I was playing earlier.

“Well, what a waste. I thought the two of you were finally dating each other. You look good together and you look happy with her. I thought you’ve finally move on.” That made me look at her, confused.

“Move on from what?” I asked.

“Move on from” she stops and look away from me. “your first love.” She added.

“So, you think after 3 years I’m still not over her? Come on, it’s been so long.” I depended myself even though I know from the tone of her she won’t believe me.

“Sure? Did the two of you already talk to each other ever again? She asked again and I shake head.

We didn’t actually talk to each other again after our break up. Well, there’s no reason for us to talk again.

“That’s why I think you’re not over her. The two of you never actually got to have a closure.”

“Well I’m saying to you that even without a closure I’m already over with her. In fact, if I saw her, I can talk to her again already.” I said to make her finally believe me.

“Really huh?” I nodded to her, “well to change the topic, the real reason why I approached you is to invite you again to the party. But right now, I don’t want you to say no.”

Party again, maybe it’s been the tenth time that she invited me even though she knows I don’t like parties.

For me parties are just full of fake people who wants to gain compliment from other people. But yeah, I am not generalizing it. I just really hate parties.

I was about to say no when she talked again.

“Joy is coming but she wants you to come too. Come on, don’t let Joy be alone or missed the party because of you. Just come okay? I will send you the address later.” And she gets up and bid her goodbye.

Sigh.

***

Party, loud music, loud people, many drinks and many people that I don’t know.

This is the party that almost all idols usually gather twice or thrice a year. It’s for us to meet each other and to be close with each other. In this party, no one is above, no one is below. We are all just people who enjoys time with each other. I can say that the idea of this was actually pretty good, it’s just not for me.

Everyone is enjoying the party but not me, thanks God joy is here to company me.

We were just sited on the second-floor private room having a conversation with each other while I was monitoring my members, nayeon unnie, jeongyeon unnie, sana and jihyo that was on the first floor. I’m just afraid something might happen to them.

While I was staring at them, I noticed that they suddenly stop dancing as well as the other idols and look together in one direction. I immediately looked at where they were looking.

Four girls walking from the entrance just got to steal the show. I saw everyone was looking to them. Of course, they are the international star. I am actually not surprise that they were here. And maybe that’s the reason why I actually came here.

I felt like my members and Joy were actually looking at me, I ignored their entrance and back my attention to Joy.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Why? Of course, I’m okay.” Sigh. “Don’t look at me like you’re worried, I hate it. I already said it to you many times. I’m over with her,” I said smiling to her and patted her head.

After spending my many times with Joy, I already know how caring she is to me. So, I promised myself too to take care her too as much as she did.

The other girls are now back in our room, nayeon unnie keeps glancing at me and I find it really annoying so I made my first move for her.

“What? What do you want to say?” she got startled as soon as I asked her.

“Well you know, I’m the national bestfriend and my friend is here so, can I invite them here?” she said.

I already know who she was talking about and I just nodded to her. She actually didn’t need to ask for my permission anyway.

I saw her waving at them so I looked at their direction and saw them already making their way to our area. I stared at them so they won’t find like they are not welcome to us. As they got near to us, they bow to us making us stand up and slightly bow to them too.

While sitting back, I can feel Joy’s hand on my knee. Sign that she was worried about me. So, I looked at her and smile, assurance that everything is going to be okay.

Blackpink sited just in front of us while beside me is joy and Nayeon unnie beside Nayeon unnie is jeongyeon unnie and so on.

“Hi” I was not looking but I know it was jennie unnie, “Momo” she added.

I looked at her and just nodded to her.

“How are you?” she asked again.

“I’m fine, I’m doing good.” I stated.

“Really? Well someone beside me is not.” She said and I can see Rose nudging her.

“Ow… then maybe I should go now. I don’t really like it when someone gets uncomfortable because of me.” I stand up and gathered my things and was about to go when someone stops me. 

“I’ll go with you.” it’s Joy.

She gets her bag and then hold my wrist making me being dragged away from the scene. She was literally dragging me to the exit until I felt someone hold my other wrist making us both stop. We both looked at her.

“Don’t go.” She said. “Jennie Unnie was just messing with you. I am not uncomfortable at all. So please, don’t go.” She said not looking at me.

I let go of Joy’s hand to make Rose let go of mine. She was actually holding my wrist so tight, and it hurts.

Sigh.

“okay.” I simply said and made my way back together with the two.

“thanks god you came back. I was just joking.” Jennie unnie said.

“Well, I’m sorry Unnie that I really didn’t get the joke. I’m really slow when it comes to that.” I jokingly said.

“I’m sorry too, I will not do it again. Ow… by the way, is you and Joy dating?” she asked and I shake my head.

“No, we’re just a friend.” We both said and I hold her hand.

I don’t know but I always felt bad every time I’m saying that she was just a friend.

“Really? I thought the two of you are dating. You actually fit each other.” Jisoo Unnie commented.

“yeah, there are tons of people who said that already. Joy is-” I looked at her, “Joy is my joy. She’s special.” I said and I saw Joy smiling at my statement.

“Then just date already unnie.” Lisa joined and she looks excited so, I smiled to her.

“Nah, she can’t date anyone right now. Even if it was her _JOY._ ” And that made us all looked at her.

I can see that she was slightly drunk. I should’ve notice that she was drinking nonstop as soon as she got here.

I raised my eyebrow to her. Does she think that I’m not over her too?

“And why do you think so?” I said slightly laughing.

She looked at me deeply and then point me out? Making the others looked at me too.

“Because you are still wearing that.” she said still pointing at me.

That’s when I realize what she was saying.

I am wearing the necklace she gave me for our anniversary. The last gift she gave to me.

I immediately looked away from her and hold my necklace.

Silence.

“Oh… Chungha is here!” Nayeon unnie shouted making the others look at the direction she was pointing.

She just saved me.

I should say thanks to her later.

***

The party was still not over, everybody seems to not getting tired at all despite on being late already. But I’m different from them and I’m already tired.

I saw joy on the counter talking to someone I don’t know. I made why way to her.

“Is it okay to borrow my friend?” I said to the one she was talking to and she nodded.

“Why momo? Something happened?” Joy said.

“No, I was just tired and want to go home already. But if you don’t want to go home yet I can wait for you.” I offered her.

We actually got here together and I can’t leave her alone knowing there are many people here. I can’t trust nayeon unnie to take care of her especially she was drunk already.

“No, I’m already tired and sick of the loud music too. Let’s go home.”

“Okay, I’m just going to pick our things on our private room. Can you please find Nayeon unnie and tell that we’re going? I think she was just around here talking to others.” I said and she nodded.

I walked to our room on the second floor.

As soon as I opened the door, I saw someone peacefully sleeping despite on loud music.

It’s Rose.

She seems cold so I get my coat and covered it to her.

“Why did you drink too much? You hate alcohol remember? Don’t go to parties like this again and just get some rest at your home.” I said as I parted her hair that was covering her face.

“You still look so beautiful. Congratulations babe, you really made the whole world looked at you. I’m really happy you made it.” I touched her face, suddenly a tear came out from her eyes making me panicked.

She touches my hand that is on her face.

“Don’t go.” She whispered.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that she was still sleeping. I laugh at myself.

“You know what, I really hate you.” I laugh again, “How can you still noticed that I was wearing the necklace you gave me. You really made me speechless earlier.” I said still laughing at myself.

I took the necklace she gave me and made her hold it. She does hold it tightly despite on being asleep. I smiled to her.

“I’m giving back this to you now. I lied to you when I said that that was our last stop. I never stop. I never stop loving you, but right now I’m thinking. Maybe I should stop now. I will start it on giving back this to you.” I said.

I took my things and Joy’s things and made my way outside the room.

“I hate you.” that made me stop. I didn’t look back because I know she was just talking while asleep.

I smile and finally get out the room.

***

I’ve been looking for Joy but I really can’t see her anywhere. Nayeon Unnie said she already met her earlier saying we’re going and didn’t know where is she now. I’m really getting worried now.

I felt my phone vibrated and I looked at it. I sigh.

It’s Joy, she said she was at the parking lot already waiting for me. I immediately run to her.

“Why are you here already, you should’ve waited for me. There are many drunk people here.” I scold her as I walk over her.

“I just can’t handle the loud music and the smell of alcohol anymore so I went out already. Sorry. Did I worry you?” she said as we get on the car.

“Yes, you are!” I said rolling my eyes to her.

“well I’m sorry.” She said.

I started the car but she suddenly holds my hand making me look at her. She smiled to me.

“Can’t we go to the Han river first before we go home?” she asked.

“Why? Something happened? You usually went there when you’re sad, stressed out or something?” I ask as she shake her head.

“Let’s just go please. It’s been so long since I went there.” she said making a sad cute face begging me.

“Okay. Let’s go.”

***

We are now walking on the Han river. The night was really cold and I don’t have my coat on me but I don’t really want to leave Joy alone.

“Stop.” She suddenly said making me stop.

I looked at her but she was not looking at me. She walks away from me and then stop when I think she thinks she was already far from me and face me again. She smiled to me.

“You can’t hear me, right?” she asked.

I didn’t say anything to her because I know she actually wants me to hear it.

“Hmm… I don’t know how to start. This is funny because the whole ride I’ve been thinking what to say.” I continued listening to her.

I really didn’t know how this will end but I know I need to listen to her and not say anything.

“I hate you.” she started. “I hate that you are so perfect. I hate when you smile, when you laugh, when you talk or even without doing anything. I hate that you have an effect on me.” she looked away.

“I hate that I like you.” she added.

Maybe I should’ve been shock but I don’t know why that I don’t even feel that way.

“three years. Three years that I’ve been trying for you to see me not as a friend. Three years I looked after you but you always look the other way. Three years but it’s still not enough. Do you want to know my stupid goal for the past three years? I said, if I finally made you change your wallpaper then maybe, maybe I finally have a chance. Three years have passed but you still have that fucking flower of rose as a wallpaper.” She said and that made me shock.

I didn’t even notice that.

“Earlier was my last chance. When I dragged you away from them, that was my last chance. I decided that I will finally confess to you but, but it got stop. I was holding on you, but you let go of my hand first and decided to go back. That’s when I realize I never really got a chance in a first place.”

She looked down.

“I’m just a special friend for you.”

She’s crying. I want to go to her, run to her. I want to hug her but I know it’s not right. I will just hurt her more.

It’s my fault. I know. I know everything but I chose to ignore it. I actually knows what she feels about me but I got selfish and just let her. I used her.

“And now-” she finally looked at me. “I don’t want to be your special friend anymore. I’m letting myself free from you from now on. I will still be your friend, but not your Joy anymore. Because you’re someone else joy and she’s your real joy.” She was smiling. “and cut.” Genuinely smiling while crying.

And I’m just standing here, looking at her.

She walks towards me while she was wiping her tears from her cheeks.

She grabs me on my elbow with her both hands, leaning and act like nothing had happened. I let her dragged me to the car.

The whole ride was quiet. No one dares to talk nor look at each other. She was just looking outside the window.

We’ve just arrived at the parking lot of our apartment. Silence.

The silence just get break when I saw her looking at her bag. She looked at me and smile.

“I have something for you.” I look at her hand showing something I didn’t expect her to have.

“Why? Why do you have that? I-” she cut me off.

“I got it for you. It’s actually rude to give back something so important like this to a drunk girl anyway. What if it got lost? You dumb girl.” She said looking like she was scolding me.

“But-” I was about to depend myself when I got cut off again by her holding my hand and making me hold the necklace that Rose gave to me.

“Don’t stop.” She said then leans toward me and patted my head, softly. She looks directly on my eyes. “Right. You never stop loving each other anyway.” She added.

I was about to say something when she shakes her head moving away from me.

She gets off the car. Leaving me alone. Without looking back, without saying any goodbye.

She leaves.

***

THREE MONTHS LATER

“Alright let’s start the interview.” The pd said to us.

We sited and get ready for the American TV show that was said is going be aired next week.

“First of all, I’m really, really honored to interview the two of you.” the host started.

I was trying to focus on the host but I really can’t right now, especially she was staring at me.

“So right now, we have here TWICE who just made their successful debut here in U.S. while on the other side we have BLACKPINK who just made their comeback. This week was really awesome, both of the song was really good but how is it to be considered rival? From what I heard the two groups were actually friends?” The host asked.

I actually didn’t know that this is how we will meet again. I planned our next meeting like I want it to be special. That this time, I will the one who will ask her out. I wanted it to happened when we are not busy anymore but the timing seems to really hates me.

I ended up stealing glances to her as the interview goes.

“Ahh… Momo? who is Momo here?” she asked so I raised my hand.

“I’m sorry, I really don’t know the names yet. By the way, it says here you wrote the song that everyone loves. This song even got crowned as the best bside on MTV before. How did you actually ended up writing this song?” she asked making me unconsciously looked at the girl who have been staring at me from the very start of the show.

I never really expected questions like this but maybe I should’ve at least gotten ready because we made an English version of this song. Sigh.

I took a deep breath before answering. It’s now or never.

“I wrote this song thinking of someone. I gave it as a gift.” I simply said.

“Woah really? The lyrics seems to be pointing out of love hate relationship. Does this mean you fall in love with someone you hate?” the interviewer asked again.

“No, it’s the other way around. I hated someone I love.”

“How that it differs? Isn’t it the same?”

“hmm… it’s something that the two of us only can understand.” I said looking directly at Rose’s eyes. I can see I caught her off guard. “but to make it simple, I did choose to hate that person despite on being in love.”

“well that’s interesting. Last question for you. Does this mean you still hate that person?”

With my eyes only on her,

“Yes, I do. I still hate that person, so much.” I said.

That’s the last this I said throughout the interview.

We are now getting ready for the performance. Blackpink just got done and we are now on the backstage waiting for the cue.

I heard the pd saying us to be ready so I was about to walk to the platform when someone touches my wrist making me stop.

It was her. Rose, my flower.

“Why?” I asked her softly because she was not doing anything and she was just looking down.

“I need to go.” I said as I saw the pd signing us to go the platform already.

I tried to turn my back to her so I can go already but she stops me again.

I didn’t even realize it until she looks up on me.

She was crying.

“you still have that necklace.” She said and I nodded.

I know that she has been looking at it the whole time.

“You know that I hate you too, right?” she added making me smile and almost cry by her statement.

I hugged her, tightly. Not minding the people surrounding me, I kissed her on her forehead.

“I love that you hate me too, Rose.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really amazed on how others make beautiful stories unlike me.  
> thank you again for those who finished this work of mine. i know this is not really good.


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